March 9, 2005
So, I find myself once again sitting in an airport with more time on my hands than I was really bargaining for, and think to myself "Self, why don't you take this opportunity to add to that collection of witty reparteé you've started?" What a smashing idea. Laptop out, power up, log on, and......nothing. Every time I take this task on, I gain a little more respect, and frankly, awe, for my friends (Andrew, Patrick, to name but 2) who dish this out on a weekly or (what superhuman with they must have) daily basis.
I had ideas started, which I scrawled out on my PDA. The constant correcting of the handwriting recognition software, telling it that I actually meant to write "sleek", not "sli3hc", kept me occupied for the entire 30 minutes that I was able to keep myself sitting at the tragically hip hotel bar. I had a storyline started, witty descriptions begun, but as I reviewed it, it just seemed sad and self-deprecating, and frankly, it just depressed the hell out of me. So I try again. Perhaps a little banter about business travel. Nope, did that last time. What about a diatribe on the obnoxious teenagers I was forced to sit in front of on the outbound flight? Well, that just makes me sound like a bitter, not-aging-too-gracefully-are-we-dear woman.
The plain fact is that sometimes, you just can't force wit. And yet, people must do it all the time, right? Dave Barry surely doesn't have clever stories pour out of his mouth everytime it's not taking in food, does he? Or are some people just really blessed with that constantly functioning sense of humour? (Well, let's leave Robin Williams, Mike Myers and Billy Crystal out of it -- they're not made of the same stuff as the rest of us). Sigh. I really do fancy myself a witty, clever, lighthearted, see-the-humour-in-everything kind of gal, but I'm stuck.
You'll pardon me for using this forum to just vent. I know you came here expecting to giggle, but you don't always get what you want, do you? Reminders of my lack of God-given gift of guffaw jump out at me in the most unlikely of places. The rows of books at Barnes & Noble in the Humor section taunt me. The guy across the bar, saying whatever it is that makes his tablemates throw their heads back and roar with laughter (all the while trying not to snort beer out their noses).
I recently discovered a whole new venue for pressure to be witty, in my Yahoo Instant Messenger. For those of you not familiar with it (which might explain why you haven't yet taken me up on my request to add me to your Friends list), you can change your status so that your friends and co-workers can see whether you're "Available", "In a meeting", "Stepped Out" or whatever other short message you wish to convey. It's also a great place to express not only your schedule status, but also your mood for the day. As often as I'm "Out to lunch", I might also be "Billing day is so much fun, doo-dah, doo-dah", or "Hey, CU -- nice atheletic department morals!!". I've heard from more than one person that they look to my status every day to see if I've got a clever quote, a lyric snippet or movie quote for them to guess, or a link to a silly site o' the day. Ack. Now I need to be inventive every day, at 8:30 am, no less.
At home, watching a DVD of "Sex and the City", I'm conscious of the fact that Carrie seems to have just the right quip about every situation, and is able to neatly tie her whole day (or weekend, or relationship) together with a couple of one-liners that neatly tie in a double-entendre, and make you really think about how all this applies to your own life. On the other hand, it does take a team of writers several weeks to churn out each season's material, doesn't it? And they ran out after 7 seasons (hey -- that's what I'm telling myself; don't ruin this for me). If they're out of material when they're getting paid for it, perhaps me running out of material when all I'm trying to do is make a few friends smile, isn't the end of the world after all. That's all I have for now; I have to save the rest of my creativity to come up with an IM status in the morning, and I'll have had a flight and a few beers by then. I have to conserve with where I can. Check in later for more.