July 3, 2005
So, I had myself a first date this week. First date with this guy. And first date for me in a looong time. It was a very nice first date. I'm pretty sure there will be a second date. I haven't always had such good luck.
My freshman year of college, right before Hallowe'en. For those who don't know, please understand that I grew up in a relatively small town, and didn't really date a lot in high school. Looking back, I can see that there were probably opportunities for me to do so, and I was just too daft to pick up on it. Anyway, that's not what this Mumbling is about. Freshman year of college. I'd met this guy while waiting in line in the cafeteria. Seemed nice enough, though a bit of a nerd (which I generally believe now to be an asset in a person, not a detriment). Anyway, he asked if I'd like to go out next Saturday night. Why sure, that'd be great, thank you. I now understand that there's a big difference between "nerd" and "sociopath".
Later that week, I was doing something with some of the guys from my brother floor, and mentioned that I had this Big Date coming up. Their faces glowed with happiness for me. "Who with?" With Dave Dork (not his real name, but I've kept an alliteration, which his name did have), I said. Their faces dropped. Like rocks. Whatsamatter with that?, I asked. They all gave these sideways glances to each other, and someone pointed out that this guy had been asked recently to not shoot his pellet gun in the dorm hallways. There were some other examples of ways in which he was clearly not adjusted to normal society, but I don't recall now what they were.
I really didn't have the heart to break the date (a trait that I'm still learning to move past), and so Saturday night came, and Dave came to my dorm door to pick me up. We proceeded to dinner. I'd say "we went out to dinner", but this wasn't the case. "Do you like Chinese food?" he asked. Well, sure, yes. He led me downstairs to one of the study rooms in the basement of the dorm, where he had set the scene to sweep me off my feet. Yyyyyeeeeahhhhhh......For lack of a lush meadow of wildflowers, he'd laid out a camouflage blanket for us to sit on. Since fluorescent lights are clearly not romantic, he'd brought out his best hacked-off Coke can with a candle stuck in the bottom. And since there was no sweet nightingale to sing (as there properly ought to be, on the Most Romantic Date Ever), he had substituted a tape of wildlife sounds. Cooing birds, croaking toads, crickets, and a coyote baying -- how could I not fall for this guy? And he'd lugged his TV and VCR downstairs, so we could watch movies. All we were missing was the dinner. "Hold on -- I'll be right back", he told me. 8 minutes later, he returned with 2 freshly nuked TV dinners, and plopped them down in the middle of the camouflage field and handed me a contraband cafeteria fork. Oh, I swoon.....
As we were starting the main (okay, only) course, he started the movie. And is there a more romantic flick than "Real Genius"? I think not. Much to my dismay, about 5 minutes into the movie, a Resident Assistant came down and informed us that these were study rooms; we really couldn't have a TV in here; we needed to move it up to someone's room. No problem, we agreed, and I started to help pick things up. Oh, no -- good heavens, it just wouldn't be chivalrous to have me carry anything. He grabbed the blanket, the candle, the boombox, and the dinners, and we trudged back up to his room (on the other side of the dorm, on the 3rd floor). Once inside, he set everything down, and headed back to get the TV. He stopped just sort of the door, turned around and said "Are you afraid of reptiles?" (Just a note: I'm pretty sure no good first date has ever included this question.) "Um, yeah, kindof, why?" I replied. He reached down, picked up a lizard who was easily 10" long, and said "This is Charlie. He's too big to fit under the door, so we don't keep him in a cage. I'll be right back." With that, he set Charlie down, and left. For an agonizing 8 or 10 minutes, Charlie and I sat there looking at each other. Dave finally returned, set up the TV, and we were able to get on with this dreamy scene.
About 15 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. He answered, and there stood 2 of the guys from my brother floor. "Um, Pam, didn't you volunteer to help with the dorm's haunted house tonight?" I was about to say "No", when one of them gave me a look. Oh, yeah -- um, right, how could I be so forgetful....Dave, I'm so sorry, but duty calls, you-understand-don't-you-well-thanks-it's-been-great-gottagoBYE. I don't recall if I gave my rescuers a big kiss on the cheek, but I should have. I did give them my heartfelt thanks. Incidentally, one of my saviors was a very intelligent, even-keeled, non-psychotic guy who I ended up dating for a few months after this incident. I don't recall what the rest of the evening involved, but it was certainly a welcome respite.
So, even if a first date these days were to go ka-blooey, I doubt seriously that it could ever compare to THAT. And I need to keep that in mind. After all, even if there's no spark, I can be fairly certain that I'll not have to ever write a Mumbling that starts out "Remember that terrible first date I told you about? Boy do I have a story to top that one!"